honesty

Saying what you mean
 by Pete Wiley

I Can’t Believe I Said That!

There’s always a grain of truth to anything you say. It may not be in the specific words, but the emotions behind those words are likely genuine. You can’t control your feelings, but your actions are entirely in your control. The trick is discerning what actions are appropriate in different emotional contexts. Saying something you don’t mean is a common outcome of an intense emotional state. You may later look back and find it hard to believe that those words actually came out of your mouth. Rather than feeling regret and anxiety about what you said, it is healthier to explore what you were feeling at the time and, if appropriate, discuss what you said with who you said it.

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in Emotions / Proactive 0 comments
Self-Honesty
 by Pete Wiley

Self-honesty—Keeping it Real

Honesty is one of the most important qualities we can have as people. Honesty is key in interpersonal relationships, forming the basis for trust, loyalty, and love. But more important than honesty with other people is honesty with yourself. Dishonesty with yourself can lead to a whole host of problems and issues, and the only way to address them is by coming clean. Self-honesty is also the only path toward a meaningful life. If your path isn’t genuine, it will lack meaning. Honesty can be challenging, but it just takes practice, like any habit.

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in Open Mind / Proactive 0 comments
Agree to Disagree
 by Pete Wiley

Agree to Disagree—Debate in an Era of Divisiveness

A friend and I were having a light conversation this past weekend around a fire pit, and a subject came up on which we disagreed. He and I differ in our opinions that largely follow political leanings. We had never talked about it, but I had heard him say some things that made his politics reasonably clear. When he said something that I disagreed with, my first reaction was, “Oh, shit, there goes the relaxed atmosphere.” But then I thought, “Why can’t we have an honest disagreement and not make it personal or political?” It is possible, although seemingly less and less achievable these days. So I gave it a shot. In a very polite way, I said that I was in favor of something that he thought was wrong. And a miracle happened! He said, “Well then, we should agree to disagree,” noting that he hated how hard it was to do that these days. It was fantastic. We dropped the subject and got on with our enjoyable evening.

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in Emotions / Open Mind 0 comments
Consistency in Changing Circumstances
 by Pete Wiley

Maintaining Consistency in the Face of Changing Circumstances

At the moment, I am making a concerted effort to live a healthier life—less drinking, healthier eating, and consistent exercise. Under “normal” circumstances, I can do that without too much temptation—typical working days, going to bed at a consistent time, and managing my energy. But when there’s a celebratory mood, or we have people over, or during a vacation or the holidays, the temptations are much more significant, and the rationalizations are easier. 

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in Mindful / Proactive 0 comments