Navigating the Rocky Road to Confidence
There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, closed-mindedness, and dogmatism. Confidence is generally considered to be a positive attribute, but it’s a slippery slope toward more closed-minded attributes. Confidence is an important attribute, but you can’t just turn it on; it has to be developed over time through experience. Some seem to have confidence from the moment they can walk and talk, but even those with natural confidence have to test that confidence through their experiences and interactions. The key is to learn what you’re capable of, what your strengths are, and how to be consistent in your behavior.
Second-guessing is a confident behavior
Confidence does not mean not second-guessing yourself. Being aware of the consequences of your words and actions, and assessing that information to determine whether an alternative set of words and actions might have resulted in a better outcome, is a sign of open-mindedness and confidence. Anyone who believes they’re always right and doesn’t consider others’ perspectives and opinions will invariably be proven wrong routinely.
False confidence
It’s also possible for someone to appear confident in their actions and opinions when, in fact, they are acting overly confident as a defense mechanism. When someone doubts themselves, they may respond to this doubt in several ways. One is to become meek and hesitant in any situation. In this case, their lack of confidence is evident in their words and behavior.
Another is to hide their doubt in a wrapping of conviction and bravado. The doubt they have in themselves may be accurate or a function of low confidence. If the former, the person may accurately believe they lack the knowledge, skills, or assurance to handle a situation. Or their doubt may come from experiences of failure, during which the person, accurately or not, concluded that they are not up to a task. However, they hide this doubt in arrogance.
Competence equals confidence
A reasonable question to ask yourself is: What is the relationship between confidence and being good at something? Does confidence give you a foundation for competence? Or does becoming competent give you a reason to be confident? I would lean toward the latter. Not everyone is confident, but anyone can work hard to become competent. Once you are competent at something, confidence will come naturally. You may have false starts and discover that an activity or a job doesn’t play to your strengths or doesn’t align with who you are. This is still a positive step toward confidence. Knowing what you don’t do well allows you to focus on what you do well and leads to natural, genuine confidence.
Superpower combination
Confidence, along with open-mindedness, can be like a superpower. If you have both, you can make well-informed decisions that draw on a range of perspectives and opinions. And you can do so with surety, knowing that you’ve considered all the possibilities and chosen the best course. And whereas closed-minded confidence can alienate people, open-minded confidence is an attractive attribute. It helps people trust you, even when you disagree with them.
Confidence may seem ineffible, but the formula for confidence isn’t complicated. You only need to be intentional, focus on your strengths, and be open to others’ perspectives.
Artwork by Vadym Cherenko
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