Personal growth can happen in many ways, but it is difficult to attain in isolation. Growth often occurs when we challenge ourselves, remain open to other people’s ideas and values, and explore the edges of our own comfort zones. All of these paths have an internal component, but they also involve engagement with others. To benefit fully from these experiences, you must be intentional about both the inner work and the connections that help shape it.
There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, closed-mindedness, and dogmatism. Confidence is generally considered to be a positive attribute, but it’s a slippery slope toward more closed-minded attributes. Confidence is an important attribute, but you can’t just turn it on; it has to be developed over time through experience. Some seem to have confidence from the moment they can walk and talk, but even those with natural confidence have to test that confidence through their experiences and interactions. The key is to learn what you’re capable of, what your strengths are, and how to be consistent in your behavior.
Being open-minded can be difficult, especially when the ideas or opinions you hear seem to go against your values or morals. Someone says something that, on its surface, sounds selfish, callous, or shortsighted, and your natural reaction is to disagree vehemently. But part of being open-minded is knowing the whole story. What is the backdrop for what you’re hearing? People may be misinformed or misguided. Many people feel disenfranchised and are desperate to find an ideology or a movement that resonates with them. You may vehemently disagree with what someone believes or says, but it’s helpful to dig deeper and find the circumstances that have led to their perspective.
One of my favorite places at my house is a sitting area under twin holly trees in our backyard. It’s peaceful, private, and comfortable. I record most of my social media videos there, and it’s a favorite place for my wife and me to sit and chat. This week, it became a much more important place to me. We lost a member of our family on Friday, and he is buried under one of the hollies. At first, I thought Walter’s grave might be upsetting or distracting when I work there. The memories of him are overwhelming, and, as he was in life, he’s impossible to ignore. But yesterday, I filmed there for the first time since his passing, and it was the opposite of distracting. I said hello to him and told him that I missed him. When I was filming, it truly felt like he was there with me—curious about my work. I’m so glad he’s there in that special place.
I’ve always hated the phrase, “Things happen for a reason.” I much prefer the perspective of opportunity. When people experience a loss, it’s important to process the event as a loss. An event causes pain, and to deny that pain is to deny that part of yourself and inhibit your ability to process the pain. At the same time, a painful event can change the nature of your life. Your existence is based on a certain order of things: your emotional landscape, your connections, your livelihood, and your activities. If one of these is altered or removed, you will move toward a new order of things. This process may be arbitrary, or if you’re intentional, the process can be based on the direction you want to go.