self Archives - Page 3 of 14

November 26, 2022November 28, 2022 by Pete Wiley

Parts of a Whole—Understanding Who You Are

It’s the middle of the night, and you wake up as a different person. You’re still you, but part of you is missing. The part of you that is confident in your life and your path is missing, and what is left is a mess of doubts, fears, and worries, with maybe even a healthy dose of self-hatred. Why is it that there are times in our lives when we are happy, confident, and energetic and other times, maybe even the same day, when all of that seems stripped away, or replaced by its negative twin? It may happen when we can’t sleep in the middle of the night, or when we’re commuting, or when we’re alone for any length of time. It’s important to know why this happens and what we do when it does happen.

October 15, 2022October 13, 2022 by Pete Wiley

I Am An Island—Who You Are When You’re Alone

I am truly fortunate to have a rich life, filled with people who are close to me, while still having a significant amount of independence. When my son was young, my situation was decidedly less flexible as our lives were inextricably intertwined, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. But now that he’s older, I have significantly more time that I can call my own. I miss my time with young Peter, but I love my time with old Pete. No one is free from a certain number of commitments and expectations. Without them, you would be hard-pressed to make a positive contribution in life, but balancing them with your lifestyle is key to living a life that is true to you. One way to address that balance is to find some dedicated time alone so that you can explore your desires, passions, and behavior, be with yourself, and be present for yourself.

August 6, 2022August 4, 2022 by Pete Wiley

How to Be Friendly in a Divisive World (and Why)

It’s so hard to be nice these days.

And why would I want to be? People seem to be looking out for only themselves, and they’re nasty about it. Common courtesy seems to be rapidly disappearing from our interactions, and disagreements seem to quickly devolve into personal attacks. It’s us and them, and there can be no civility if we happen to be on the wrong side.

How can we be friendly in such an environment—and why would we want to be? The answer is both simple and complicated. We can always be friendly. If you’re a friendly person, you can (and should) continue to be friendly, even when it seems the world’s just not a friendly place. If you’re not a friendly person, you should try it out: It’s a pleasant way to live your life.

Maybe the harder question is why would you want to be friendly? Why would I want to be friendly to a group of people whose worldview is off kilter and who are so unfriendly to me? The answer to this one is a bit more complicated, but ultimately, the answer is because that is the only way we (society) will move beyond the divisiveness and begin to act civilized again. It’s the only way to turn the corner.

in Open Mind / Proactive 1 comments

April 16, 2022April 15, 2022 by Pete Wiley

Worthiness from Within—Creating Your Own Strength

Everyone wants to be liked and loved. Everyone likes to hear praise from people they admire and respect. But there’s a big difference between wanting and enjoying the love and admiration of others and needing it to feel worthy. If you can only feel good about yourself when you have an incoming stream of affection and love and don’t feel happy or confident if that stream slows or stops, then you need to reflect on your sense of worthiness. The trick with developing self-worth is that, ideally, you won’t have a time when you don’t feel loved or that you’re not getting praise, so it can be hard to determine where your sense of worth is coming from. Adding to this opacity is the fact that love and admiration are good. In general, they do suggest that you are a valuable person, and they feel good to receive. So, understanding the foundations of your sense of worth can be challenging. The key is the difference between want and need—the difference between independence and dependence.

in Emotions / Proactive 0 comments

April 2, 2022March 25, 2022 by Pete Wiley

Whole and True—Incorporating Integrity into Your Life

When I hear people talk about their values, I notice that they use a wide variety of words. Honesty, hard work, loyalty, and open-mindedness are all values that people I know strive for. But one value seems to always rise to the top: integrity. It’s a value that is unassailable yet losing ground in modern society. Ironically, some still uphold integrity as a core value while acting against it in all their words and deeds. A lack of integrity is not only accepted but also sought after and celebrated—from behind a veil of denial. I thought it would be interesting to dive in and deconstruct the word, the value, and the way it’s expressed. Before researching the word, I thought about what it means to me. In my mind, it suggests a quality of “honesty plus”—honesty at one’s core.

in Mindful / Proactive 0 comments