Saving Your Energy for the Good in Your Life
Your time and energy are precious. How you spend them is key to how you live and feel, and what you achieve. There will always be times when you are angry or hurt and feel the need to expend energy to try to “fix” those situations. But you may be feeding a part of your life that you’d rather offload. You’re acknowledging a person, problem, or challenge in a way that may give it legitimacy rather than denying it as part of your life. Conditions feed on energy, including negative energy. When you expend energy, you feed the beast instead of starving it until it goes away.
What do you hope to achieve?
Whenever you expend energy, you should have a goal in mind—achieving an ambition, supporting a friend, making the world a better place. When you’re angry or upset, you may be tempted to use energy in a way that isn’t beneficial to you. You may expend energy in stewing or acting out of spite or malice. In these cases, asking yourself what you hope to achieve is essential. Lashing out in anger or getting back at someone may make you feel good in the short term or relieve some tension, but ultimately, it is extending or giving credence to a negative condition. You may think you’re righting a wrong or not letting someone get away with something, and this may be true, but it’s important to be specific and intentional about goals like that. It’s important to ask yourself if they will benefit you in the long run.
Don’t let it get to you
It can be hard to get past something that gets under your skin. You’re angry or hurt and want to stand up for yourself. You want to make it right. But often, “making it right” doesn’t improve anything and may worsen your situation. Having a thick skin is sometimes viewed as existing in a state of denial, but it can come with a healthy sense of what you want and a good perspective on what you do. This kind of intentional engagement allows you not to let things get to you. It will enable you to view unpleasant situations as you would a bully—with peace and bemusement. You still process your feelings, but in a way that prioritizes your emotional health.
Is it worthy of your energy?
In many, if not most, cases, expending energy on a negative condition in your life does not have benefits, or the costs don’t outweigh the benefits. You’re also saying that a person or situation means something to you. That may be true; when a friend makes you angry or upset, you may want to address that feeling in a positive, constructive way. But when you want some toxic person or situation out of your life, the best thing you can do is turn away from it—not give it any energy. You may come away feeling unfulfilled, but that’s better than keeping that person or situation in your life and expending your valuable energy on them. Always ask yourself, is this worthy of my energy?
If you don’t want something in your life, don’t feed it—starve it. Feeding it will keep it with you. As much as speaking or acting in anger may feel right, that negative energy will keep its target alive in your life. If you want to get rid of something, don’t give it any energy at all.
