Pick Up the Pieces—Looking Forward After a Tragedy

I’ve always hated the phrase, “Things happen for a reason.” I much prefer the perspective of opportunity. When people experience a loss, it’s important to process the event as a loss. An event causes pain, and to deny that pain is to deny that part of yourself and inhibit your ability to process the pain. At the same time, a painful event can change the nature of your life. Your existence is based on a certain order of things: your emotional landscape, your connections, your livelihood, and your activities. If one of these is altered or removed, you will move toward a new order of things. This process may be arbitrary, or if you’re intentional, the process can be based on the direction you want to go.

Broken but not defeated

Broken, damaged, wounded—these words have certain connotations when applied to someone who has experienced trauma or loss. For some, they are a helpful way to process what they have been through—to understand themselves. These words may also give people a path forward. If you’re broken, you can be put back together. If you’re damaged, you can be repaired. If you’re wounded, you can heal. The human spirit has an exceptional capacity to make itself whole, even in the face of overwhelming tragedy and pain. On the path toward wholeness, you have an opportunity to be something different than you were before, based on what you’ve learned in your journey. 

Don’t deny a tragedy

As much as a tragedy is something we want to avoid, it’s important to accept its reality. To pretend they don’t exist is akin to denying a wound or a broken bone. They are undoubtedly painful to think about, and it’s natural to want to get over them as quickly as possible. However, many tragedies take time to process; they take time to heal. To effectively address trauma, you have to understand it and how it will heal. You have to dig into it and explore it. You have to know how it has impacted you and how to cope. That being said, it is important to be emotionally and psychologically stable. You have to ensure you’re safe and prepared to process your tragedy.

One reason I don’t like the phrase “things happen for a reason” is that it motivates people to make excuses for traumatic experiences and why they occur. If you point to a grand plan as the reason for a tragedy, you’ll be less likely to explore your life and what you learned from the traumatic experience. 

New directions

As hard as it is to view any tragedy or loss in a positive light, it can be an opportunity to take your life in a new and meaningful direction. Once you’ve begun processing the event and understanding what it means, you can identify what you’ve learned, what about your life is different, and how to take advantage of those differences and insights. Starting fresh can be scary and foreboding, but perspective is key, and you can change that fear and apprehension to hopefulness and excitement. There may always be a part of your heart that still feels pain and loss, and that’s a good thing; it means that you’re keeping what you’ve lost with you and keeping the part of yourself that went through the trauma. Ideally, the balance will shift over time, and the joy and excitement will tip the scales. Every day that passes is an opportunity to reexamine your path, and it’s never too late to turn onto the path that’s best for you.

When you feel broken or damaged, take the time to heal, but keep looking forward as part of that healing. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

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