Nothing is Permanent—Except, of Course…
Each of us has elements in our lives that are so precious to us that it’s hard to come to terms with their loss. You might not want to envision life without them—it’s unthinkable. But at the same time, nothing in our lives is permanent. These two competing ideas can be hard to reconcile. What is important to you may be a child, a relationship, or security as a family. There are some things that you don’t want to ever see threatened or come to an end. But as we each have to face death, we also have to face the fact that nothing at all is going to last forever.
Buddhism and impermanence
The Pali Canon of Buddhism states that all existence, without exception, is “transient, evanescent, inconstant.” In this perspective, nothing that exists in time is real. It is constantly changing and in decline. Nothing lasts, and everything decays. The acknowledgment of this reality is how we can avoid pain. Because everything is impermanent, we will avoid suffering if we do not become attached to any person, object, or condition. It’s hard to argue with the notion of impermanence as a fact, but how one reacts to it is more complex for most people.
This cannot end
In my own life, I’ve observed that everyone forms strong bonds in some part of their lives. People invest their emotions in various things, from relationships to desired outcomes (e.g., achieving a degree) to financial stability. Consider this for yourself. Are there things you’re so attached to in your life that the thought of life without them is inconceivable? There certainly are for me. If my son were to pass away, I couldn’t envision continuing to live. Yet, people endure profound losses daily and find a way to carry on. The rewards of fully investing in a person or outcome outweigh the risk of the pain of loss.
So, everyone dies. Nothing is permanent. Does acknowledging this change anything? Some are in denial about impermanence. They don’t even acknowledge the possibility of the end. But suppose you accept impermanence as a truth and incorporate that truth into your perspective. In that case, you will live more fully and genuinely with the people and conditions most important to you.
How to live with impermanence
How can you incorporate impermanence into your life? By embracing and cherishing the things that are most important to you. Here are some specific ideas:
- Mentally note what is important to you and why regularly.
- Express gratitude for the people or conditions that mean the most to you, either to yourself (mentally or in a journal) or to others.
- Make your relationship with those people/conditions everything you want it to be. Honor the important things by making them a priority in your life.
- Observe the important people or events in your life. Take the time to note the victories and milestones.
These practices will not remove the pain of loss but will strengthen your memories and make those people and conditions part of who you are.
When we think of endings, whether they be death, retirement, or failure of a goal, we can consider them losses or commemorate what they were. This may be challenging for some of the losses you have faced or will face. But if you can reframe these losses as celebrations of what you loved and how your experience with them changed you, your heart will heal much more quickly.
