Holiday Hell—How to De-stress the Holidays

Holidays can be rough. Hectic schedules, finding gifts, family drama—it can be overwhelming. Stress is a common side effect of a season that is meant to be happy, celebratory, and fun. But where does that stress come from? It’s different for different people but may include unreasonable expectations, social anxiety, or loneliness. Instead of feeling joy, many end up feeling irritable, sad, or disappointed and can’t wait for it all to be over. But the holidays can be the joyful, exciting, and magical time they’re meant to be with just a few tweaks of your perspective.

Why are the holidays hell?

There are some common causes why the holidays can be so onerous. One cause is high expectations related to the holidays, such as the demands on your time—shopping for gifts or cooking for a lot of people, parties and get-togethers, and decorating. There can also be high expectations related to experience. The holidays are meant to be magic, and there can be a lot of pressure to make them magic for your significant other, for your children, or for your party guests. If you fall short, it can cause feelings of guilt and regret. It can even affect your self-esteem. Social anxiety can also be high. You’re maybe seeing people you haven’t seen for a while and you feel pressure to make a good impression.

What do the holidays mean to you?

A good way to transcend all the craziness is to remind yourself what the holiday season means to you. It may be meaningful time with family and friends, cultural or religious traditions, or music and movies.  When the season gets crazy, pause, reflect, and focus on what’s important to you about the season and what you get excited about. Then, focus on that. There may be commitments or demands you must meet, but put your focus and energy into those elements that mean the most to you. 

Letting go of what you can’t (or don’t want to) control

Once you are clear on what you want and like about the holidays, it’s time to let the rest go. There may be a million details that don’t relate to what you love, and many of these will be inescapable, but if they don’t relate to what you love about the holidays, and 1) are unavoidable, or 2) contribute to harmony among friends or family, suck it up and take care of them. But don’t let them enter or impact your happy holiday place. It’s also important not to take on details that don’t fall into one of the two categories above. Don’t do something just because you’ve always done it or because someone expects it of you. 

My Holiday Hell

The biggest source of my stress during the holidays is all the social commitments. As an introvert, being intentional about the balance between time with people and time alone is critical, and during the holidays, it feels like I lose control of that balance. But the stress seems to melt away when I limit my focus to how grateful I am for my family and friends. Yes, there are seemingly a million details that come up—who we’re going to see, who’s spending the night when, how we’re going to put our schedule together—but the fact is, I don’t much care about the details, so I let them go. I focus on my time with friends and family and my gratitude for that time.

What do you do to mitigate stress during the holiday season? Let me know! And here’s hoping for the very happiest holiday season for you.

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Artwork by Pavel Shlykov