What are you thinking?—How to Direct Your Thoughts
What are you thinking about… right now?
It’s a simple question, but it’s so important. Our thoughts are the content of our consciousness. They are how we process the world and our experiences. We can choose our thoughts, but only to a certain extent. Errant thoughts will always arise, and some will be unpleasant and unwelcome. Some thoughts may cause worry, sadness, or anger. The relationship between our thoughts and our emotions is direct and often uncontrollable. However, with focus and practice, we can better control our thoughts and the emotions they stir.
The relationship between thoughts and emotions
All emotions occur within the context of our thoughts. We view certain ideas, impressions, or dynamics as dangerous, troublesome, or hurtful. We can’t control our feelings as we react emotionally to certain thoughts and lines of thinking. For example, worry is almost automatic if your child is engaged in an activity that involves the risk of being hurt. We think about the worst-case scenario possible. The worry is virtually inevitable if we give free rein to those thoughts. Worry is an example of an emotion that is also a cognitive process. It’s both the thoughts and the feelings we get from those thoughts [1]. That’s how intertwined the thoughts and emotions can be.
My brain at four in the morning
I, like many, tend to have most of my unwelcome thoughts when I’m awake in the middle of the night. It’s when my worries become worst-case scenarios. It’s when my shortcomings become fatal flaws. Everything is as bad as it could possibly be, and the worst that might happen will happen. Why is that? I’m usually a positive person. Why, when my brain is alone and devoid of sensory stimuli, does it focus only on the most negative thoughts? When you sleep, your unconscious mind processes information you need to find solutions and figure things out. Maybe some of the data for that process sneaks into your conscious mind, and when you wake unexpectedly, that’s all that is there… Of course, the answer to this problem is to be intentional about your thoughts—to replace negative thoughts with positive and constructive thoughts.
Directing your thoughts
Try a little experiment. Think about something that makes you happy. Stay with that thought for a full minute. Were you able to do it? Do you feel happier? Anyone can choose to think about something, but maintaining control over your thoughts can be challenging. The part of your brain that feels uncontrollable is called the monkey mind. The term “monkey mind” comes from Buddhism and refers to the part of your mind that is “unsettled, restless, or confused [2].” When your mind wanders, obsesses about a problem or issue, or can’t focus on something, it’s your monkey mind at work. Your monkey mind is aligned with your ego, which is the source of negative self-talk and self-criticism. The good news is that it is possible to control your monkey mind and direct your thoughts intentionally. Practices such as mindfulness and meditation effectively calm and focus the mind. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Just pausing and focusing on your breathing, for example, can go a long way toward gaining control from the monkey mind.
Although everyone occasionally has unwelcome and upsetting thoughts, you should always be aware of them and aware of approaches you can use to replace unpleasant thoughts with those that are positive and consistent with how you want to feel and act.
You are in charge of your thoughts. Occupy your mind with what will make you happy and productive. Other thoughts will come, but don’t let them stay. Treat them as you would unwelcome visitors knocking on your door.
[1] Brosschot JF, Pieper S, Thayer JF (November 2005). “Expanding stress theory: prolonged activation and perseverative cognition.” Psychoneuroendocrinology. 30 (10): 1043–1049.
[2] Raab, Diana. 2017. “Calming the Monkey Mind: Do you have an inner voice that hinders your success?” Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201709/calming-the-monkey-mind. Accessed September 30, 2024.
