Love Yourself, and People Will Love You Back

It’s nice to be loved, but not everyone loves you. That is just a fact of life. It may seem that there are some people who everyone loves, but I guarantee that even those people wanted someone to love them sometime in their lives who didn’t. What people feel about you is out of your control. What is in your control is who you are, so be yourself and work on yourself. Focus on personal growth and a meaningful life. Don’t try to become what you think will attract others or make a specific person love you. That will never work. 

People will show you they love you (if they love you)

The dynamics of people’s emotions are complicated. Starting from the time we showed affection to someone as a child through an action that is only meant to draw attention, the game playing never seems to stop. But at some point, you can sense whether someone likes and is attracted to you. They will show it in their mannerisms, their words, and their actions. So often, we get hurt by thinking we mean more to someone than we do just because they mean that much to us. We create false connections where none exist because we are desperate for those connections. But ultimately, people treat you exactly how they feel about you or in an attempt to manipulate you. Pay attention to actions and effort. Don’t make excuses. If someone loves you, they will show it.

You can’t make someone love you. They will love you, or they won’t.

Be worthy of love, but be yourself

Make yourself worthy of love and let the chips fall where they may. Most importantly, be yourself. If “yourself” is a jerk, then you can do some personal work to make yourself into a more loveable person, but don’t try to change who you are in your essence to be attractive or charming. People will see right through that facade. As the poet Mário Quintana stated, “If you spend all your time chasing butterflies, they’ll fly away. But if you spend your time making a beautiful garden, the butterflies will come to you.” So work on yourself. Be confident, engaging, and enthusiastic. You will attract the right kind of butterflies.

Absence keeps the heart exactly where it was

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but what is often left out of this saying is that the heart had to have had some fondness to begin with. When you think of the people you miss when they’re not around, you’ll find that you have affection for all those people. If you aren’t attracted to someone, you’re not affected when they’re gone. The most important part of this idea is that if someone doesn’t miss you when you’re gone, they likely aren’t affected by your presence either. 

Don’t just look for love—put love out there

It’s OK to love someone, even if they don’t love you back. It’s just as important to give love as it is to receive it. But don’t give away your self-esteem, confidence, or self-worth in the process. Showing love to people you love should not be transactional. You should act according to the way you feel. However, if you’re emotionally impacted by your interactions with someone because you want something more, then giving them love may be unwelcome to them and harmful to you. Don’t lose part of yourself in showing love to someone. It must be a positive experience for both of you.

The most important person to show love to is yourself. If you don’t love yourself, you will never have a genuine loving relationship with someone else.