Time Apart is Key to Meaningful Time Together

It’s hard to be away from those we love. We may feel longing or loss. We may even think that we aren’t a significant part of the other person’s life—that you’re not on their mind or in their heart anymore. While these feelings are natural, it’s important not to let them diminish the fact that you are your own person—independent and strong. It may not always feel that way, but each of us has an independent person inside us, needing nurturing and care—not from another person, but from ourselves. If you are always with another person, you may rely heavily on that other person for your identity and emotional state, which can lead to an unhealthy reliance on that person. This can become chronic and damaging. Some couples or friends spend a lot of time together in very healthy ways. But if you become emotionally dependent on the other person, that’s a problem.

But I’m not independent and strong

Each of us has the capacity to be a healthy, independent individual. This doesn’t mean that we don’t connect with other people. It means we don’t need another person to be whole and healthy. The only way to have a genuine and healthy relationship is to enter into it from a place of completeness. The romantic notion that you’re somehow incomplete without another person is unhealthy. As a complete person, you can bond with another intensely and genuinely, but it doesn’t mean you need them in your life to live and thrive. This doesn’t mean there isn’t pain when you’re apart, especially if that separation is long-term or permanent (and not of your choosing). But it does mean that you can depend on your strength (and your other connections) to get you through it.

Not being part of the day-to-day

It can be hard on many levels when you have to be away from someone you love. You miss them. When someone is a fundamental part of your day-to-day life, and suddenly they’re not, for whatever reason, you may feel like there’s a hole in your life. You also may be anxious that you’re no longer part of their day-to-day life—that they are moving on without you and that you don’t really matter to them. This will depend on the length and reason for the separation and the state of your relationship. But this feeling, rational or not, can be hard to cope with. 

The hazards of togetherness

When you’re with someone all the time, the negative aspects of the dynamic can be amplified. Little personality quirks and mannerisms can become irritants and build up over time. These can overwhelm the positive aspects of your relationship and become all you notice. You also may not have the time or space to focus on yourself—to engage in self-care and reflection and to regain the social energy needed to be an active and genuine participant in the relationship.

Hearts grow fonder

Separation provides time to reflect on what each person means to the other. Missing someone can provide insights and perspective on a relationship. It can help balance the negative aspects of your relationship by realizing how important the positive aspects are. When you’re with someone every day, taking them for granted can be easy. Through time apart, you will see how important the person is to you and why. You can focus on what specifically it is about them that you miss and make an effort to maintain an awareness of those aspects. Finally, when you are together again, it will make that time more special and meaningful.

Being with someone you love can be one of the most meaningful experiences of your life, but time apart can help you realize how special the relationship is.