At the moment, I am making a concerted effort to live a healthier life—less drinking, healthier eating, and consistent exercise. Under “normal” circumstances, I can do that without too much temptation—typical working days, going to bed at a consistent time, and managing my energy. But when there’s a celebratory mood, or we have people over, or during a vacation or the holidays, the temptations are much more significant, and the rationalizations are easier.
Nobody is perfect in their habits. There will always be backslides and hiccups related to the good habits we strive for and the bad habits we strive to avoid or control. Sometimes, these lapses can be severe, and depending on the habits involved, they can have significant consequences. People have all kinds of habits, but it can be helpful to think about how they impact your life. Some habits contribute to or detract from your mental or physical health; others may add meaning to your life in various ways. Some may provide spiritual enrichment or a creative outlet. Some may seem easy, while others may be a constant struggle.
As we move through our days, we may live active, productive, and even meaningful lives. But something may still be missing. It may be hard to put our fingers on it. One possible reason for this is the failure to be intentional about fundamental aspects of our lives—mind, body, and spirit—the three pillars of life. Most of us engage with these pillars to some degree: we exercise, we challenge ourselves mentally, or we have healthy spiritual lives. But how many of us consistently engage with all three pillars intentionally and regularly? When we do, we’ll find that our lives are enhanced—in ways that we may not even realize.
My son is twenty-one, and I trust him completely.
Well, almost completely. He’s tried to pull some fast ones over the years, but on the whole, they’ve been very minor. I’d almost be worried if he hadn’t. All of us go through a process in our relationships of establishing how much we trust one another and how trustworthy we are. Part of that includes exploring the boundaries and finding the balance between words and actions that we perceive as beneficial to us (e.g., a child getting away with something) and those that build trust. In terms of trust in relationship with others, there are several ways to think about it. One is the component of trust in the parts of our lives that come with significant responsibilities, such as taking care of our children, as well as other aspects of our relationships and our professional duties. Another is our trust in others based on the strength of the relationship. This kind of trust depends on our experience with other people as well as how trustworthy we are. We can also think about trust as an attachment to a certain outcome—we trust something is going to happen. While this isn’t necessarily bad, we should guard against becoming too attached to a particular behavior or condition and stay open-minded as to what we might encounter on our path.
You have something really good going. You’re happy. You’re proud. You’re excited. But then, just like that, you can’t keep it up. Somehow the old patterns reappear, and you find yourself wondering how you were able to start down the golden path to begin with, and how you were able to stay on it, even just for a little while.
Developing good habits and keeping away from bad habits seems so simple on the surface. We have free will. If we want to do something (or stop doing something), we should just do it (or stop doing it). What’s preventing us? The answer is complex and multifaceted. There are many forces in our lives that drive us toward or away from certain behaviors. It’s important to recognize this fact and do everything we can to understand those forces and how they affect us. We also have to recognize our strengths and weaknesses that help or hinder our ability to overcome these forces to enable us to work effectively toward getting on, and staying on, the path we desire.