How much time do you spend getting to know people? Not just what they did over the weekend and how their kids are doing, but really trying to get a feel for who they truly are and what drives them. Most interactions take place on a very surface level. We engage in small talk or interact on the basis of what we’re intending to accomplish, and the rest is often just minimal politeness. There’s nothing wrong with a pleasant passing of the time, but if we become closer with people, we might have deeper conversations and get to know them better. We can learn to guide our interactions based on that knowledge and those insights. However, unless we make a consistent effort to get to know people andincorporate that knowledge into our interactions with them, we aren’t taking advantage of opportunities for much more meaningful and rewarding relationships.
When we swat a mosquito, we don’t necessarily have any hostility toward it or its actions; we are indifferent. We are merely getting rid of an annoyance. That may be our attitude toward a great many things in the world—we don’t give them much thought, and we don’t care that much, if at all. For us to care about something, it must have some kind of emotional connection to us. We must have a reason for feeling something, positive or negative, about it and how we interact with it. Sometimes our indifference is affected for a purpose, sometimes it is genuine. Sometimes indifference is intentional, while sometimes it is due to a lack of awareness. Sometimes we are aware, but there is no emotional connection—there is no common frame of reference that would make us care. We can know something or someone well but still be indifferent due to how little they are involved in our lives. And, in the same way that we should be aware of why we have strong emotions about something, we should be aware of when and why we don’t.
Each of us has a constant stream of emotions, but how many of us are aware of that stream and fully understand where our emotions come from and how they affect our lives?
It’s easier for more extreme emotions. We might get excited and happy before we’re about to travel. This kind of emotion bubbles up inside us, and our awareness of it is unavoidable. The same can be said for extremely negative emotions, for example when we suffer the loss of a loved one. In these times, we would do anything to escape the pain we are feeling. It overwhelms us, and we aren’t able to think about anything else. Our full awareness is caught up in our painful emotional stream. But what about times when we don’t feel overwhelming emotions? What about our day-to-day emotional context and how it affects our outlook and actions? It is possible to be fully aware of these emotions too. It’s not only possible; it’s a necessary step in living our lives to the fullest. Our emotional context is a driver for every decision we make, every word we speak, and every action we take. If we can become fully aware of this layer of our psyche, we can live our lives more intentionally and purposefully, and if we can take the next step and develop insights into our emotional stream—if we can see how our emotions are likely to evolve—we can live with a keen sense of identity and direction.
What does it mean to get past something or get over something—a tragedy, for example? It doesn’t mean that it’s not with you anymore. It doesn’t mean you didn’t learn from it. It means that you’ve somehow put it past you to some degree. This might mean that you’ve been able to get back to some semblance of a normal routine. It might mean that it isn’t dominating your emotional state anymore. Moving beyond an event means incorporating that experience into your lifetime of lessons and insights. It’s about gaining a heightened perspective on yourself and how you interact with your world. It’s about transcendence.
It’s the middle of the night, and you wake up as a different person. You’re still you, but part of you is missing. The part of you that is confident in your life and your path is missing, and what is left is a mess of doubts, fears, and worries, with maybe even a healthy dose of self-hatred. Why is it that there are times in our lives when we are happy, confident, and energetic and other times, maybe even the same day, when all of that seems stripped away, or replaced by its negative twin? It may happen when we can’t sleep in the middle of the night, or when we’re commuting, or when we’re alone for any length of time. It’s important to know why this happens and what we do when it does happen.
