Pure Poison—Offloading the Toxicity in Your Life

Poisons are the people, things, or situations you know are bad for you, yet they remain in your life. You likely have some poison in your life—everyone has. You may be one of the lucky ones who can recognize those situations right away and take decisive action. Or, like me, you rationalized, denied, or had an uncontrollable urge to keep them in your life. Most of these toxic elements in your life have their upside. They made you feel good in some way—at least in the short term, and that good must be intensely good because it is compelling you to live with the extreme negative aspects or consequences. The good part also may be a “potential good” or just imagined—a carrot just out of reach that never comes closer. The fundamental question is, why do you keep these poisons in your life? Why do you subject yourself to their ravages? 

Recognizing the poison

Identifying the toxic elements in your life isn’t complicated, but it can be challenging. The simple part is this: if it causes you great pain or causes significant damage to you, and you keep doing it, it is likely poison. Anything that significantly damages your health, self-confidence, or emotional state is potentially in this category. Anything you feel compelled to engage in and don’t have the power to stop may also be in this category. In identifying these aspects of your life, you may find yourself rationalizing them. “Anything worthwhile is worth the pain.” “It will eventually become everything I hoped it would be, and all the suffering will have been worth it.” And some of these rationalizations may be true. Some healthy elements of life can and do cause pain and are worth it. However, if the pain or damage becomes a pattern, if it continues for an extended time or is intense, you should reexamine that aspect of your life.

Some of these are obvious. Others may be more subtle. Substance abuse, for example, can give pleasure, but the damage it causes is never worth it, but you become addicted to the poison and keep it in your life. Smoking cigarettes is a poison with a whole industry behind it, but we know it can kill you. A job that chips away at your spirit, a one-sided friendship, junk food—all of these can damage you, but you aren’t able or willing to remove them from your life.

A good example of poison in your life is an abusive relationship or an unrequited love interest. People endure all kinds of pain in the pursuit of love. The intense joy and pleasure from a romantic relationship often outweigh the pain and anguish they can cause. Sometimes, the pain pays off. We win the heart of our love interest and live happily ever after. But sometimes, the relationship is toxic. You are mistreated, belittled, or otherwise abused, and you continue to take it because there are good aspects too, or because you think it will get better if you just stick it out. Unrequited love can be similar. You have an idealized image of what a relationship with someone might look like, and you endure searing emotional pain in continuing to pursue something that was never meant to be. It causes you pain and likely causes the person you’re pursuing pain, anxiety, or anger. 

The need for honesty

It’s very often the case that you keep toxicity in your life because you aren’t honest with yourself—honest about the upside (or lack thereof) and the damage you’re doing to yourself. The voice in your head that rationalizes these elements or denies that they are poison can be strong, and it’s critical to develop a voice of reason that is just as strong. When you feel pain or recognize damage to yourself, shine an internal light on it and document it. Keep a diary of exactly what you’re feeling and the changes you’re going through. Note changes in your emotional state and level of self-confidence and what caused them. 

Getting rid of the poison

It’s one thing to recognize the poison in our lives; it’s another matter to rid ourselves of it. The real work begins when you’ve seen the truth and come clean with yourself. Again, this isn’t easy, but once you start offloading the poison and emphasizing your life’s positive aspects, you won’t look back. Some ways to remove the poisons in your life include the following:

• Get professional help
  With some poisons, such as abusive relationships or substance abuse, it’s significantly more challenging to try to offload them yourself. 
• Engage in self-care
  Self-care practices, such as exercise, meditation, eating healthy food, getting out in nature, and getting sufficient sleep, will not only help you fight your poisons, they can also act as substitutes for them.
• Emphasize the healthy relationships in your life
  Your healthy, positive connections with others are another aspect of offloading poisons. They not only make you feel good, but they can also help you to identify your poisons and help you get rid of them.
• Vigilance
  Reminding yourself of the poisons and what they are doing to you is vital. Don’t let the negative voices in your head speak their venom. Replace that venom with your voice of reason.

Ultimately you will learn to recognize any potential poison that threatens you in the future and avoid it like…, well, poison. The world is filled with poisons and potential poison, but stand fast and don’t let them in. See them for what they are.

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Artwork by Grandfailure