Big Impacts of Little Things—Getting a Handle On the Everyday

The stresses of daily life can feel overwhelming. Over time, the impact of everyday problems can accumulate and feel unsurmountable. Everyday stress is not about any single, intense, or life-changing event—instead, it’s about the daily headaches, hassles, and dramas. The effect can be hard to pin down. You start feeling tired, irritable, and anxious. You may feel like talking it out with someone, but you don’t quite know what’s going on. The impact can become overwhelming, and eventually, you may feel like it’s all too much and you’re dealing with it alone.

You don’t have to be alone to be lonely. Loneliness is very subjective; if you feel lonely, you are lonely. It can feel incredibly lonely if you are stressed and overwhelmed and everyone around you seems fine. You may be surrounded by people who do care about and support you, but if you don’t feel connected, you may not feel that support. Conversely, that support may be more evident if you’re going through a tragic event.

The Region Beta Paradox

In a 2004 paper with the intriguing title, “The Peculiar Longevity of Things Not So Bad,” Daniel Gilbert and others introduced the Region Beta Paradox, which, in simplified terms, states that it is harder to recover from less intense impacts than more intense impacts. The reasoning behind this idea is that people will be motivated to seek help and take action to solve significant problems while they may let minor issues remain and fester. 

An example of this is an unsatisfying or meaningless job versus an awful job. An unsatisfying or empty job might make you a good living, and you might even be good at it, but it doesn’t feed your soul. You have no passion for the work. You might think about changing jobs but never quite get to the point where you’d take that step. An awful job, such as a job where the boss is abusive, is more likely to be evident regarding its impact. You’d likely quit a job like this more readily than a merely unsatisfying job. You’ll take advantage of available resources, seek advice and support, and take decisive action.

Source: Poetic Outlaws (https://www.instagram.com/_poetic.outlaws_/)

Understanding what’s happening

To address this problem, it is first necessary to build an awareness of your life’s structure and how it affects you. You are not negatively impacted by every experience you have. Some will be positive and renewing, such as sleep, self-care, or beneficial downtime. Others will be neutral, such as those activities that don’t require much energy or effort and don’t refresh or refuel you. What’s left are those experiences that do have a negative impact on you. The list can be long, and it can be helpful to brainstorm as many as you can think of—your goal should eventually be to identify the experiences that impact you the most. The reason it’s crucial to cast a wide net is that the high-impact activities may not be prominent. 

Once you have identified the activities that wear you down the most, the next step is understanding their impact on you. For each activity that made it to the top of the list, reflect on how it feels as you begin to engage in it, when you’re in the midst of it, and how it has affected you after you’ve finished. These impacts may be physical or emotional—be specific and comprehensive in your descriptions.

Finally, once you understand what activities have a negative effect on you and what that effect is, think about how you might mitigate those effects. You may not be able to stop engaging in these activities (or maybe you can—keep an open mind to that!), but you might talk about them with someone in similar circumstances. You might be able to look at the specifics of those activities, see if there are any details or aspects that are particularly stressful, and see if you can tweak them to make them better. 

You will always be aware of the significant aspects of your life, both positive and negative, but it’s the everyday things that make up most of your life. You must understand and be aware of how the everyday impacts you and what you can do about it.

Little things can have big impacts. Getting a handle on these impacts will make every day better.

Artwork by Kampanart Sangsorn