An Ending is Not Always a Failure
When something ends—a relationship, a passion, a job—we often characterize the experience as a failure. It may have had periods where it was magical and unique, but we emphasize that it is over and how painful that is. Instead of focusing on the wonderful experiences and special memories, we only think about the end and the pain and regret that come with it. It’s important to remember that everything will eventually end, and with the proper perspective, you can make the ending as meaningful as the experience itself.
Painful doesn’t always mean bad
The end of something wonderful can be intensely painful, especially if the end was not your choice. Some endings, such as an early death, seem to be beyond reason, and that kind of pain can’t be avoided. But other endings, such as relationships or a job, can come with nostalgic memories that can help mitigate the pain. The truth is that most personal growth comes with a measure of pain. It might be the end of an unhealthy relationship, which, although its dissolution is good for you in the long run, is extremely painful in the short run. It’s essential to think of endings as not only the end of something but as a milestone and the beginning of something else.
Nothing is permanent
Life is a step-by-step journey through a variety of experiences and relationships. Nothing is going to be permanent in your life. One might argue that some commitments are lifelong—that they are, for all intents and purposes, permanent. But even your most long-term relationships evolve and become something different over time. It is healthy to look at the endings as natural evolutions—a progression from one part of your life to another. And, as hard as it sounds, it’s essential not to think that your life is over if you don’t have a specific something or someone in it. You are a strong, independent individual. You are whole and worthy, no matter what is going on in your life, and you will have the strength to move on when a situation or relationship ends. And keep in mind that they will end. You might be hurt or surprised when things end, but you should never be blindsided.
My baseball journey
I’ve been a lifelong baseball guy. I played from when I could first walk and toss the ball with my father to when my injuries forced me to stop at age 21. That end was truly painful, as baseball was part of my identity. I eventually found coaching and experienced the game with my son. I always thought I’d coach my whole life, but when my son stopped playing, I lost interest in the hassles and headaches of coaching. At that point, I became a fan and a student of the game. I learned more about the game and took great pleasure in watching it. You could view this journey as a series of endings, each with frustrations and heartaches. But I try to think of it as an evolution—a path I have walked with the game, with each turn leading to something special.
Focus on the good parts
The key is to focus on the good parts of what you had and the good parts of what you have. Endings are just blips in time when compared to overall experiences. And no one can take away your experiences—neither your memory of them nor how they shaped you. Some feel that an ending somehow takes away part of what they are. However, you are constantly changing based on experiences, and each change is an opportunity for growth. Endings often bring pain, and you can learn from these feelings, too. Don’t immediately categorize them as negative. Explore your emotional journey and learn more about yourself. And most importantly, keep the good parts in mind; you’ll always have them.
Endings can be difficult, but they are only milestones in a journey with wonderful, unique, and beautiful parts, too. Keep each of these with you—they are yours forever.
