Be careful what you wish for...

Be Careful What You Wish For

The old story of a genie in a bottle granting three wishes might seem like a dream come true, but it isn’t obvious to most what those wishes might be or if they would make their life or the world better. Wishing for something different than what you have is a risky venture. For many, there are heartaches and challenges that a wish, if granted, might resolve, but then they would be faced with a question of the greater good. They would have to decide whether the wish should have been used for the world at large rather than fixing their own lives. Fundamentally, the idea that a change will make your life better is also questionable. Each of us makes what we can with the life we are given, and of course, more money, the absence of disease, and the removal of heartache would make anyone’s life marginally better. However, dealing with those challenges is part of life and makes us who we are.

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Heaven and Hell

Heaven and Hell—The Realms Inside You

I believe in heaven and hell. They are as good (heaven) and as bad (hell) as you might imagine. But to me, they are not places but part of the human condition. We create our own heaven and/or hell inside of us and in our lives. If you have a positive, meaningful life and have a good perspective on how good your life is, you reside in heaven. If you’re petty, narcissistic, and selfish, and you view your life as one of winning and losing, you are in hell. The good news is that you have a choice of where you reside. There are people who have a hard life full of tragedy and heartache that still reside in heaven because they are able to focus on the good parts of their lives and the people who love them. There are also people who have everything they could possibly want but only see the challenges in their lives. They are living in hell by choice.

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Your Vision

Make Your Vision a Reality

I’ve seen a lot of examples of hypocrisy in recent years—people preaching about ideals then completely failing, in their words and actions, to live up to those ideals. Of course, none of us is perfect. Failing to live up to your vision for yourself and your life is not inherently hypocritical, and it’s good to have aspirational ideals—ideals you hope and plan to live up to. It’s entirely different to espouse an ideal and live your life completely contrary to it because it’s convenient or beneficial. 

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Intentional Engagement

Intentional Engagement—Healthy Existence in a Heartbreaking World

How can I live a normal, comfortable life with so much pain and suffering in the world? 

It’s a good question. For some, it’s a source of constant guilt and anxiety. A better (healthier) question might be: Am I doing what I can to decrease the pain and suffering in the world while still leading a fulfilling, meaningful life? The truth is that your suffering doesn’t stop others from suffering, while your working to decrease suffering does. You also might feel you don’t have the right to be happy while there is so much suffering in the world. That, too, begs the question of impact. Will you being miserable make others less miserable? So, how can you reconcile your life with the state of the world?

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Trust

Responsibility in Relationships—Developing Bonds of Trust

My son is twenty-one, and I trust him completely.

Well, almost completely. He’s tried to pull some fast ones over the years, but on the whole, they’ve been very minor. I’d almost be worried if he hadn’t. All of us go through a process in our relationships of establishing how much we trust one another and how trustworthy we are. Part of that includes exploring the boundaries and finding the balance between words and actions that we perceive as beneficial to us (e.g., a child getting away with something) and those that build trust. In terms of trust in relationship with others, there are several ways to think about it. One is the component of trust in the parts of our lives that come with significant responsibilities, such as taking care of our children, as well as other aspects of our relationships and our professional duties. Another is our trust in others based on the strength of the relationship. This kind of trust depends on our experience with other people as well as how trustworthy we are. We can also think about trust as an attachment to a certain outcome—we trust something is going to happen. While this isn’t necessarily bad, we should guard against becoming too attached to a particular behavior or condition and stay open-minded as to what we might encounter on our path.

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