Most people have a vision for who they are and how they live. This includes how they interact with others, how much they eat and drink, exercise, and sleep patterns. It also might include how much time they devote to their family, job, or passions. You won’t always live your life in a way that is entirely consistent with that vision—no one can—but how you react to missteps is key to making your vision realistic. If you constantly berate yourself over something you did or didn’t do, you’re making it more than it should be and denying part of who you are. If you incorporate imperfection into your vision, you will be much more likely to realize it.
We’ve all been there. You’re going along with your day, and suddenly, someone lashes out. It might be anyone—a friend, coworker, or family member—and it is totally unexpected. You don’t understand. You didn’t do anything wrong. The person is acting like a child. Your first reaction might be defensiveness—hopping right into the sandbox. You don’t realize that your reaction might also be seen as irrational. You try not to react right away. But then you repeat the person’s behavior repeatedly in your head and start fuming.
Vulnerability is often thought of as a negative state. It is clearly negative in many contexts, such as business strategy, physical infrastructure, or national security. From the perspective of an individual, vulnerability can also feel negative. When you’re vulnerable, there is a greater chance you’ll be hurt, embarrassed, or will fail. But it’s also true that allowing yourself to be vulnerable is a meaningful way to learn (particularly about yourself), grow, and find opportunities you may otherwise have missed.
How can I live a normal, comfortable life with so much pain and suffering in the world?
It’s a good question. For some, it’s a source of constant guilt and anxiety. A better (healthier) question might be: Am I doing what I can to decrease the pain and suffering in the world while still leading a fulfilling, meaningful life? The truth is that your suffering doesn’t stop others from suffering, while your working to decrease suffering does. You also might feel you don’t have the right to be happy while there is so much suffering in the world. That, too, begs the question of impact. Will you being miserable make others less miserable? So, how can you reconcile your life with the state of the world?
What are your strengths? One would think that people know what they’re good at, but as you figure this out, you may hit many bumps and curves along the way. You may also go through periods where you feel you haven’t discerned your strengths and may never figure it out. Somehow, college kids are expected to know what they want to do with their lives as they choose their major at 19! Most of us will try a few things until we find one we like and are good at. But we may continue to have lingering doubts about our choices. Is this my calling—what I want to devote my life to? We may feel like our life is “fine,” but we must keep looking. We have to find our niche.
