confidence Archives - Page 2 of 3

July 9, 2022July 5, 2022 by Pete Wiley

Past the Holy Grail—Looking Beyond That One Thing

I’ve had several times in my life during which I can only think about one thing. Everything else was relegated to brief attention when absolutely necessary. These “one things” included romantic interests, upcoming trips to new and interesting places, and life transitions. During these periods, my focus is unmatched, and my will is extremely strong. I find ways to mold reality into what I want it to be. I manipulate circumstances and people (mostly in positive ways) to ensure that my goals are achieved. These periods in life are exciting and truly meaningful, but they can also be fraught with anxiety, stress, and desperate longing. These are the moments when you feel most alive, existing with overwhelming intensity. However, during these times, you tend to lose perspective, as all that can be seen is the object of your attention. This state can make you highly effective, but it can also chip away at your mental and physical health. You seek your holy grail, and in your mind, it’s that one thing that can bring you happiness and fulfillment

April 16, 2022April 15, 2022 by Pete Wiley

Worthiness from Within—Creating Your Own Strength

Everyone wants to be liked and loved. Everyone likes to hear praise from people they admire and respect. But there’s a big difference between wanting and enjoying the love and admiration of others and needing it to feel worthy. If you can only feel good about yourself when you have an incoming stream of affection and love and don’t feel happy or confident if that stream slows or stops, then you need to reflect on your sense of worthiness. The trick with developing self-worth is that, ideally, you won’t have a time when you don’t feel loved or that you’re not getting praise, so it can be hard to determine where your sense of worth is coming from. Adding to this opacity is the fact that love and admiration are good. In general, they do suggest that you are a valuable person, and they feel good to receive. So, understanding the foundations of your sense of worth can be challenging. The key is the difference between want and need—the difference between independence and dependence.

January 22, 2022December 20, 2021 by Pete Wiley

Better All the Time—Building on Your Wisdom and Experience

Some people, as they move through life, begin to feel out of touch. It may start with the interests of younger people—music, apps, gadgets, etc.—and extends to a general feeling of being left behind. But it’s all a matter of perspective.

As you get further down your path, you should feel more and more confident, and increasingly trust your judgement based on your experiences. It’s not necessary to like, or even be aware of, every new trend. You should remain open to new ideas or experiences, but should not worry about those that don’t interest you—don’t think that you’ve become irrelevant just because you’re not engaged in the latest rage. Develop a balance between what’s known and comfortable and what’s new and different. And trust yourself to know what you like.

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Yourself in your activities. A woman putting herself out there in a video blog.

May 1, 2021April 16, 2021 by Pete Wiley

Putting Yourself Out There—Making Who You Are Part of What You Do

It’s possible to go through life without really putting your own stamp on what you do. You can go through the motions, do what is asked of you, check all the right boxes, but still not find an outlet that allows you to express yourself. It’s also true that you can live what appears to be an ordinary life, and through your personality and interaction, or your vision for the path forward, you can make it part of you, and in doing so, make your life a little less ordinary. This isn’t complicated, but it always involves a leap of faith—you have to take a chance and make yourself vulnerable. The risks that you take—the risk of failure, of opening yourself up to criticism or ridicule, of opening your heart and soul to the world—are all worth it, as the rewards are substantial. You’ll gain a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment that could not have come as a result of less personal achievements. We are all here to share who we are—don’t lose out on putting your own stamp on the world.

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No apologies. Woman being her true self.

August 15, 2020December 16, 2019 by Pete Wiley

No Apologies—Being Serious about Being You

Just be yourself.

This is advice we may get when we are children. It implies that if you just be yourself, people will see that you’re genuine and will like you. Parents often offer related encouragement, like “You’re a great person” or “You’re really funny.” But the main point is that you should be yourself regardless of your admirable qualities because ultimately, you can’t successfully be anyone you’re not.

When we’re born, we are truly ourselves. There is no purer version of ourselves we can be. When we’re tired, hungry, scared, angry, or happy, there is no filter between those feelings and our identity. When children grow up, they may start to experiment with different identities and personas. They notice the personalities of their friends, siblings, and parents and start to mimic some of their personality traits. As many people continue to grow up, gain confidence, and become comfortable in their own skin, they are able to truly understand themselves and who they are and embrace their identity.

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