Rebellion—Embracing Your Essential Self
Do you consider yourself rebellious? There is an intensity to the word rebellion that suggests a significant and robust opposition. To me, it also indicates a solitary position—of being alone in opposition to something. From the perspective of personal identity and growth, any mindset or behavior that goes against expectations can be an act of rebellion. These may be as important as moving away from expectations that have been ingrained since childhood or as simple as a fashion statement. However, none are insignificant. When you act in a way that is true to your essential self and away from societal or personal expectations, you act rebelliously in the most healthy way. It will help you grow, find confidence, and give your life more meaning.
There is a lot to unpack and organize. It can be daunting to change how you live or think. However, there are three fundamental steps toward living a life that is true to your essential self.
- Understand who you are at your essence.
- Identify and assess your influences, past and present.
- Embrace your essential self and offload influences that are inconsistent with it.
Your essential self
Your essential self is who you are at your core. Getting to know yourself at your center is crucial to living a rewarding and meaningful life—but first, you must strip away all the clutter. What would be left if you got rid of all the extraneous stuff in your life? It can be hard to connect to your true identity because of all the static. Getting to know your essential self involves identifying the parts of your life that are fundamentally a part of you and recognizing elements in your life that are genuinely essential.
Characterizing your essential self involves understanding your personality traits, describing your outlook and worldview, and getting to know your inner self. How do you interact with others when there is no agenda or goal? The version of yourself that you show to other people might be different depending on who you interact with, but who are you really? How you see the world is also an important part of your essential self. Your perception of the world, the environment (including people), and your place in it make up a big part of who you are. Finally,
Do you have a good sense of your inner life? Are you at peace? Is your inner dialogue positive and constructive, or do you have negative internal commentary? Do you have a strong sense of spirit? Your inner self is the most crucial aspect of your essential self. It takes a lot of reflection and introspection—and it takes honesty.
Overcoming expectations
It is natural to behave in a way programmed by positive and negative reinforcement, explicit expectations of authority figures, and societal norms. These influences may be from childhood or other times in your past, or they may exist in the present. Recognizing these influences is critical to creating a path aligned with your essential self. You may feel a strong compulsion to abide by these influences and toe the line in terms of expectations. Depending on your upbringing, “doing what is expected of you” may be seared in your psyche, making it challenging for you to behave or even think in a way that is counter to those expectations. It’s essential to identify those specific influences and assess whether or not they are consistent with your values and the life you want to live.
To overcome deeply ingrained influences, you must engage in little acts of rebellion all the time. You may feel like this is a betrayal of your upbringing or culture. You may also fear this process will create a wall between you and those you love. It may be that not everyone will understand or support the person you’ve become, and that’s OK. But remember that you are constantly evolving based on your experiences and our understanding. As you move through your life, you will see how the world is changing and how you are changing with it. Once you embrace this fact, you may feel an overwhelming sense of freedom at not having to meet the expectations of everyone.
Embrace your essential self
Once you have a good sense of your essential self and begin to move away from those influences that are inconsistent with that self, you will feel a deep sense of fulfillment and satisfaction. It may take some time to feel comfortable with the new you—the real you—but it will feel right as you will act from a place deep within yourself. Initially, this will take courage and honesty—lots of honesty. Embracing your essential self means honesty with others, but more importantly, honesty with yourself as you move away from an accidental life and toward an intentional life. You will think and do things differently—you will behave in a way that may take you out of your comfort zone. You will have experiences that are new and possibly challenging. But you will be living a genuine and honest life. You will be living your life, not the life anyone else envisioned for you.
When you meet the new you, the real you, the intentional you—you’ll find a new lease on life, deep-seated contentment, and genuine happiness.
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Artwork: Jorm Sangsorn
