Grieving for Walter—Saying Goodbye to a Beloved Pet

One of my favorite places at my house is a sitting area under twin holly trees in our backyard. It’s peaceful, private, and comfortable. I record most of my social media videos there, and it’s a favorite place for my wife and me to sit and chat. This week, it became a much more important place to me. We lost a member of our family on Friday, and he is buried under one of the hollies. At first, I thought Walter’s grave might be upsetting or distracting when I work there. The memories of him are overwhelming, and, as he was in life, he’s impossible to ignore. But yesterday, I filmed there for the first time since his passing, and it was the opposite of distracting. I said hello to him and told him that I missed him. When I was filming, it truly felt like he was there with me—curious about my work. I’m so glad he’s there in that special place.

When you lose a friend

To some, the loss of a beloved pet doesn’t rise to the level of losing a human. Still, to others (me included), a being that is a significant part of your day-to-day life, who you love and loves you back, and who you miss when you’re apart, is just as significant as any human in your life. I’ve had humans in my life die, and their passing didn’t hit me anywhere near as hard as Walter’s. It’s healthy and appropriate to grieve when you lose a pet and treat it with as much seriousness, ceremony, and intentionality as any other loss in your life. It’s essential to care for yourself and take the time you need to process the loss. It’s also important not to belittle your reaction because the loss was “just a pet.” Your emotions are yours, and to minimize them or try to force them into a context is unhealthy and untrue to who you are.

So much more than a mere cat

Walter was a cat, and you might think, a cat is just a cat. But Walter was incredibly important to us. He came into our lives during COVID, when our son, Peter, was at school and struggling with isolation. He stayed with Peter at school and was a significant part of his ability to get through those challenging times. When Peter came home from school, Walter came with him, and yes, we were happy to see Peter, but we were also really excited to have Walter with us. He eventually became part of our everyday lives. As cats are wont to do, he inserted himself into every part of our days. My wife has always maintained that she is not a cat person, but Walter inserted himself into her life, too, and we eventually couldn’t have imagined our lives without him. 

He chose us

When Peter decided he wanted to get a cat, we visited a shelter where he had identified several cats that he wanted to interact with and see if any of them had a good rapport. As soon as we walked into the cat room, Walter (named by the shelter) marched right up to Peter and got into his lap. It was as though he knew why we were there and that he was going home with us before we walked in. He was a stray and was skinny and dirty, but he carried himself with a regal bearing and a sense of self-importance and entitlement. It was the beginning of our subservient relationship. He needed us desperately, but we needed him just as much, and so we didn’t even consider another cat. Walter chose us.

Saying goodbye

How can you say goodbye to a being that occupied your whole heart and that was a part of every aspect of your life? It can seem unthinkable and impossible. But accepting a hard truth is the first step in processing the loss. Part of that acceptance is leaning in to what the pet meant to you. For us, this meant looking at pictures, telling stories of his exploits, and discussing our feelings. We were also very serious about memorializing him. For his grave, we wanted a place that we could always come to and talk to him, sit with him, and remember him. It’s very comforting to have him there, where we can always visit. People, with good intentions, have asked us if we’re going to get another cat. We answer that it’s too soon, but the more specific answer is that we can’t even think about another pet until we’ve said goodbye, and that will take some time.

Walter is gone from our lives in body, but he has had an undeniably impact on us, and that impact will always be with us.