I am truly fortunate to have a rich life, filled with people who are close to me, while still having a significant amount of independence. When my son was young, my situation was decidedly less flexible as our lives were inextricably intertwined, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. But now that he’s older, I have significantly more time that I can call my own. I miss my time with young Peter, but I love my time with old Pete. No one is free from a certain number of commitments and expectations. Without them, you would be hard-pressed to make a positive contribution in life, but balancing them with your lifestyle is key to living a life that is true to you. One way to address that balance is to find some dedicated time alone so that you can explore your desires, passions, and behavior, be with yourself, and be present for yourself.
Who you are and how you engage with the world can be influenced by a variety of factors. These may include your needs, what you want to achieve, the influence of others, and your reactions to events. But the most significant driver of your identity and behavior should be your own values and worldview. For some, these might be, to some extent, influenced or even dictated by authority figures, e.g., parents, religion, or other individuals or groups with a creed or specific set of values that you have been expected to follow. However, it is important to live according to your own values and be true to yourself. Only by doing this can you live genuinely.
I love to travel. I’ve done a good bit of it, but I’d like to travel a lot more. What is it about travel that makes people so excited? It can certainly have its share of headaches and hassles. But when people think about or plan their travels, they’re exuberant. They can’t wait to go, hassles and all. The great thing about being on the road (or in the air, or on the water, or on the rails) is the sense of adventure, of exploring something new or unknown. The same feeling can happen when we stretch our boundaries of our experiences, our outlooks, and our thinking. By exposing ourselves to new experiences and new ideas, we can grow in much the same way that we do when we travel. And growth is part of any meaningful life.
Life seems limitless on its surface, yet we must constantly live within limits. Some we set ourselves; others are imposed on us. That is natural and normal. Because we can’t do everything and need to prioritize, we incorporate limits in our lives by design. Often this leads to doing as little as possible to achieve a desired outcome—in other words, we’re efficient. But this approach can also lead to a mindset of doing as little as possible, or sometimes, nothing at all. There are aspects of life, however, that deserve more than the least we can do. They deserve intention and effort. While these aspects will not be the same for everyone, we all have opportunities to explore what ours might be. To that end, it can be helpful to periodically review what is important to you. Think about those things and what you do to support them—is there anything more you might do? Have you thought about it creatively? Sometimes the least you can do isn’t all you can do.
It seems simple enough.
If something is bad for us, we should stop doing it. Of course it’s not that simple—people have addictions, compulsions, and desires (hereafter referred to as compulsions), and it may seem almost impossible not to submit to them. The two forces—the compulsions and the knowledge of their negative consequences—are in a constant battle to control our behavior. The “voice” of our compulsions can be quite strong and very crafty. We’ve all had times when we’ve rationalized having one more drink (“It’s a special occasion!”) or junk food (“Just while I’m watching the movie.”), and, at those times, our rationales have seemed perfectly sound. We’ve also had periods when the voice of reason has been dominant. We clearly see the connections between our behavior and its negative consequences, and we’re able to control ourselves. So why does this battle take place—why can’t we see the healthy and logical path and just follow it? If we could answer these questions, we’d find a clear path to healthy, positive behaviors.