Most people have a vision for who they are and how they live. This includes how they interact with others, how much they eat and drink, exercise, and sleep patterns. It also might include how much time they devote to their family, job, or passions. You won’t always live your life in a way that is entirely consistent with that vision—no one can—but how you react to missteps is key to making your vision realistic. If you constantly berate yourself over something you did or didn’t do, you’re making it more than it should be and denying part of who you are. If you incorporate imperfection into your vision, you will be much more likely to realize it.
It’s hard to be away from those we love. We may feel longing or loss. We may even think that we aren’t a significant part of the other person’s life—that you’re not on their mind or in their heart anymore. While these feelings are natural, it’s important not to let them diminish the fact that you are your own person—independent and strong. It may not always feel that way, but each of us has an independent person inside us, needing nurturing and care—not from another person, but from ourselves. If you are always with another person, you may rely heavily on that other person for your identity and emotional state, which can lead to an unhealthy reliance on that person. This can become chronic and damaging. Some couples or friends spend a lot of time together in very healthy ways. But if you become emotionally dependent on the other person, that’s a problem.
No one in your life has to be there. This concept can be challenging for some to comprehend, and cutting some people, such as family, out of your life can seem impossible and extreme. But everyone has had experiences with toxic people—people who are poison to them. These people are not just frustrating or irritating. They are toxic—they poison your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. You may feel that you have a responsibility toward them. In some cases, that’s true—but it’s essential to examine the context for those responsibilities and explore ways to remove them, partially or entirely, from your life. You may still care about them and want them to be happy, but they can no longer be in your life.
We’ve all been there. You’re going along with your day, and suddenly, someone lashes out. It might be anyone—a friend, coworker, or family member—and it is totally unexpected. You don’t understand. You didn’t do anything wrong. The person is acting like a child. Your first reaction might be defensiveness—hopping right into the sandbox. You don’t realize that your reaction might also be seen as irrational. You try not to react right away. But then you repeat the person’s behavior repeatedly in your head and start fuming.
A friend and I were having a light conversation this past weekend around a fire pit, and a subject came up on which we disagreed. He and I differ in our opinions that largely follow political leanings. We had never talked about it, but I had heard him say some things that made his politics reasonably clear. When he said something that I disagreed with, my first reaction was, “Oh, shit, there goes the relaxed atmosphere.” But then I thought, “Why can’t we have an honest disagreement and not make it personal or political?” It is possible, although seemingly less and less achievable these days. So I gave it a shot. In a very polite way, I said that I was in favor of something that he thought was wrong. And a miracle happened! He said, “Well then, we should agree to disagree,” noting that he hated how hard it was to do that these days. It was fantastic. We dropped the subject and got on with our enjoyable evening.