At the moment, I am making a concerted effort to live a healthier life—less drinking, healthier eating, and consistent exercise. Under “normal” circumstances, I can do that without too much temptation—typical working days, going to bed at a consistent time, and managing my energy. But when there’s a celebratory mood, or we have people over, or during a vacation or the holidays, the temptations are much more significant, and the rationalizations are easier.
One of life’s most important but most challenging aspects is achieving a state of balance. We are all eventually faced with a broad range of demands, passions, and responsibilities to which we cannot devote sufficient time or energy. We ultimately have to choose those activities that we either need or must spend more time with at the expense of others. You might base this on requirements or perceived requirements. You might disregard your responsibilities and focus on what you love, but regardless, at some point, you will have to choose what you do with your time.
What are your strengths? One would think that people know what they’re good at, but as you figure this out, you may hit many bumps and curves along the way. You may also go through periods where you feel you haven’t discerned your strengths and may never figure it out. Somehow, college kids are expected to know what they want to do with their lives as they choose their major at 19! Most of us will try a few things until we find one we like and are good at. But we may continue to have lingering doubts about our choices. Is this my calling—what I want to devote my life to? We may feel like our life is “fine,” but we must keep looking. We have to find our niche.
Life can be inconsistent. Why do you sometimes feel like you’re buried in baggage and history, and sometimes you can move forward unfettered? The difference can be how interesting your work or life activities are. You may be involved in what you perceive to be cumbersome pursuits, while at other times your life can be interesting and exciting. Sometimes the difference is purely psychological. During the times you feel weighted down, you may feel there is no escape from the narrow tunnel you’re in. You may feel there are forces in play that keep your life in constant drudgery, and you aren’t able to defeat them. At other times, even when engaged in the same activities or tasks, you feel energized and invigorated. The work seems light and even fun. If you could figure out the difference between these two scenarios, would it be possible to always keep it fresh?
My son is twenty-one, and I trust him completely.
Well, almost completely. He’s tried to pull some fast ones over the years, but on the whole, they’ve been very minor. I’d almost be worried if he hadn’t. All of us go through a process in our relationships of establishing how much we trust one another and how trustworthy we are. Part of that includes exploring the boundaries and finding the balance between words and actions that we perceive as beneficial to us (e.g., a child getting away with something) and those that build trust. In terms of trust in relationship with others, there are several ways to think about it. One is the component of trust in the parts of our lives that come with significant responsibilities, such as taking care of our children, as well as other aspects of our relationships and our professional duties. Another is our trust in others based on the strength of the relationship. This kind of trust depends on our experience with other people as well as how trustworthy we are. We can also think about trust as an attachment to a certain outcome—we trust something is going to happen. While this isn’t necessarily bad, we should guard against becoming too attached to a particular behavior or condition and stay open-minded as to what we might encounter on our path.